Wellington and bikes

Throughout 2008 I was attending Critical Mass, and providing some snacks and refreshments at the end. I started thinking more about riding a bike more often, and after receiving some extra income during the year I asked the leadership team at the monastery if it would be okay if I purchased a bicycle for myself. They gave the thumbs up so I started looking on TradeMe for some cheap deals. I wasn't entirely certain what to look for at the time, I didn't have the intention of going long distances, I figured that I wanted something I could take on the train, something that I would destroy jumping off curbs and something that would help me feel like I was reliving my youth! So after checking out a few things I decided to purchase, with a little help from my parents, a nice little BMX. This bike reignited my love for cycling, and soon took over my life!

I had always liked riding bikes as a kid, at least in the summer time. Actually, we did try riding our bikes on the snow and ice roads in Canada during the winters of my childhood. And in 2003, while living in Wellington, I lived on my bike. It got me everywhere.

Upon getting this new bike in 2008 it reminded me of that sense of freedom I had as a child riding a bike. It was the first opportunity for independent transportation, independent from my parents at least. And this new bike gave me that same sense. Suddenly I was much more mobile to get around the city on my own, without worrying about having the share cars, or pay for petrol. I also started liking just messing around on my bike for fun. On my first week of riding the bike I did a bit of a jump, landed on some grass, spun out and smacked my head against the ground as I fell backwards. It was awesome! Riding also improved my health dramatically, even in those first few weeks.

In November, after the festival in New Plymouth, myself and another monk traveled down to Wellington to spend the month there helping out at the men's asrama down there. It was a very timely visit. Before heading down I was feeling near the end of my wits. I was struggling with one relationship with one of the monks so badly, yet we had to work together in close quarters on an almost daily basis. I needed a break. I also needed a chance to recover from my insane weekly schedule. As with my trip to Hamilton, this trip saw my body just collapse in exhaustion, being free again from my sources of stress at the monastery. This trip also saw me riding my bike more and more.

We drove down to Wellington in one of the monastery cars, and for pretty much the entire ride down I answered questions and talked about Vedic cosmology, and how I had tried to reconcile it with modern views of cosmology. It was pretty fun, a rare opportunity for me to talk about those kinds of intellectual aspects of the Bhagavatam. My partner for the trip admitted he didn't understand any of it, but still continued to ask questions about it all.

Part of our mission down to Wellington was to set a good example of book distribution, which was near impossible for me at that point. I don't think I sold a single book the whole time, I seldom actually went out at all. Mostly I would sit in the car and read, or drop off some of the devotees, then go ride my bike to a park and read. I also got some modifications done on my bike, to make it more rider friendly, and cool. I even took it to a skate park a couple times to get used to handling and riding again. I definitely didn't fit in at the skate park. I was an old dude on a lame BMX who could hardly ride it at all. But it definitely was an awesome work out, my health really did start improving when I started riding my bike more.

Still, aside from when I was riding my bike, I felt exhausted while in Wellington. I think while staying in Auckland I was being held together by adrenaline, and while in Wellington I just fell apart physically. I had a sore throat and runny nose most of my time there.

One thing I noticed that was unique during this stay was that I was not at all mistreating any of the younger devotees. There was no hints of bullying on my part when dealing with them at all, despite the fact that they made so many mistakes. I was just able to laugh WITH them about it, and be understanding. Even the one ex-monk who moved back to Wellington to prepare for married life, our relationship during that trip was the nicest it had ever been.

Two other friends who were in Wellington at the time seemed to be going through some tough times. One was an ex-monk who had recently taken off from the monastery unexpectedly, I talked about him previously, and the other was a friend who had stayed in the asrama down in Wellington for a good number of years. He was coming and going at the time.

I think I mentioned this before, but generally the monks hated spending time in Wellington. One of the reasons was that we had to spend time living closely with younger devotees, or people who were just finding their feet in the community. It was kinda tough to deal with sometimes, especially when you just wanted to focus on your own problems and things. The other reason we didn't much like Wellington was because the ladies were mostly in charge there, and they had a totally different approach to everything than the monks did. It was really almost like a different world all together down there.

There was one guy I met at the yoga centre who wanted to take me out and teach me some things on my bike. So we met up one Saturday and rode our bikes at a skate park. We talked about Krishna consciousness, while he taught me a few bike skills. I didn't know much about his background, but he seemed interested in the Krishna community and practices. Unfortunately, some of the people at the yoga centre didn't like him for some reason, and he ended up being banned that weekend. I never really found out why.

On the last day that we were down there the yoga centre there held a big festival, with a hill made of sweets. My partner and I had the service of spending the afternoon handing out flyers to people on Cuba Mall. It just so happened that the Santa parade was also being held that day. It's weird, because normally I am an outgoing person, but when I had to approach people on the street for things, I just couldn't do it, even if it was just handing out flyers. Instead, I got caught up watching the parade, which was rather impressive.

I am such a critical person, and I was so especially as a Hare Krishna. That evening I criticized every aspect of the festival in my mind. Well, at least aside from the awesome cow shaped white chocolate covered apricots. Those were beyond even my criticism. I think I was just always feeling super-sensitive to the mood in which devotees would carry out their outreach etc. Or maybe I just thought I could do better. Actually, I know it was because I always think I can do better. But usually people who think they can do better never really do. Or maybe it's because sometimes I flip between being totally outgoing to being totally self-conscious in a matter of seconds, and that makes me feel over-sensitive to peoples moods in outreach etc. I still do it now, when watching people preach veganism.

After the festival came to a close, my friend and I raided the rest of the hill that was covered in sweets. We had a few boxes that we filled up with whatever we could grab. But our motives were not selfish, they were gifts we were bringing up to drop off to friends and family in Hamilton on our way home the next day. Monday morning we woke up, chanted, ate, and packed up for the long drive back to Auckland.

After arriving back I felt that a few of my relationships at home were recovering. And, pretty much during my absence our monastery leader had been sent to Australia for some time. It felt like a new era in the monastery was about to begin. I think in one sense that was the case. But, that era was my final era in the monastery. For the next year I felt myself slowly drift away from everything to do with that monastery and community in general. For starters, the management at the yoga centre was about to change, and I never really gelled with the new management. I didn't feel that they appreciated my skills or services as much as the previous management there. That made me feel less and less inclined to take part in that aspect of the community.

I guess I did have myself to blame for that. During 2008 I made some minor complaints to our higher authorities about the mood of one of the regular devotees doing outreach at the yoga centre. We never really got along he and I. After my complaint reached him, things went down hill between us. And also between myself and the new management committee. It was a major stress for me for well over a month. I had to deal with long phone calls, and in the end a decision that I could not accept. I was asked to apologise for the complaint I had made. That seemed ridiculous to me, especially as I hadn't considered my complaints any big issue, it was more some small concerns I felt about the way certain things were being conducted. But it was treated like I was being completely insubordinate. I was unable to meaningfully say sorry for what had happened, because I was not sorry, I felt like I had done nothing wrong. I was sorry that it became a big issue, I was sorry that people reacted badly, but I don't think I had done anything wrong in what I did when making my concerns known.

I lost faith in them, and I was never really given the same respect at the yoga centre again. SO I just did my own activities mostly from that point on. I kinda felt cut off from the yoga centre after that point. I think that was a big blow for me, one I don't think I really recovered from.